Friday, November 03, 2006
2008? Like we'll ever even see 2008.
A recent email I received:
Subject: 2008 Democratic National Convention Schedule
7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning. 7:15 P.M. Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations. 7:30 PM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship: Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. 8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:05 P.M Ceremonial tree hugging. 8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding: Barney Frank, presiding. 8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally: Cindy Sheehan, Susan Sarandon. 9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "The Proper Etiquette for Surrender", French President Jacques Chirac. 9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund. 9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay: Sean Penn. 9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military: A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton. 9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 9:50 P.M. Dan Rather receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Michael Moore. 9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 10:00 P.M. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers", by Howard Dean. 10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton for President by Mahmud Ahnadinejad. 11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet. 11:15 P.M. "Our Troops are War Criminals", presented by John Kerry. 11:30 P.M Coronation of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton. 12:00 AM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home.
And my reply to all:
Subject: 2008 Republican National Convention Schedule
7:00 P.M. Opening book burning. 7:15 P.M. Affirmation that no one else on Earth matters except us. 7:30 PM. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Christian prayer and worship; Jews, Hindus, Etc. NOT WELCOME HERE: Pat Robertson. 8:00 P.M. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 8:05 P.M Celebration of 1,000,000,000th deforestation. 8:15- 8:30 P.M. Open discussion: How Gays, Minorities, & Illegal Aliens are a Threat to Marriage. 8:30 P.M. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 8:35 P.M. Secret Torture Prison Fundraising: Donald Rumsfeld, John D. Negroponte. 9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "How to Remain Stuck in a Quagmire," British Prime Minister Tony Blair. 9:15 P.M. Rush Limbaugh secretly pops a pill. 9:20 P.M. Keynote speech: "How To Make War Veterans (especially John McCain and John Kerry) Look Like Cowards”, Karl Rove 9:30 P.M. Fun with Domestic Phone Wiretaps: or Guess Who Has Herpes: by Robert S. Mueller, III. 9:40 P.M. How I Helped My Son Avoid Vietnam: A short talk by George H. W. Bush. 9:45 P.M. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 9:50 P.M. Bill O’Reilly receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Rush Limbaugh & Laura Ingraham. 9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast (he was drunk and wandered into the wrong convention, it happens). 10:00 P.M. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld Rallied World Support and Created Everlasting Peace", by White House spokesman Tony Snow. 10:30 P.M. Nomination of Jeb Bush for President by Katherine Harris. 11:00 P.M. "WMD’s? Who Said Anything About WMD’s?", presented by George W. Bush. 11:30 P.M Coronation of Jeb Bush. 12:00 AM. Rep. Mark Foley molests a male congressional page. 12:05 A.M bloody and beaten, America weeps quietly in her bed
So, what... everyone wins, right?
Subject: 2008 Democratic National Convention Schedule
7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning. 7:15 P.M. Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations. 7:30 PM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship: Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. 8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:05 P.M Ceremonial tree hugging. 8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding: Barney Frank, presiding. 8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally: Cindy Sheehan, Susan Sarandon. 9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "The Proper Etiquette for Surrender", French President Jacques Chirac. 9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund. 9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay: Sean Penn. 9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military: A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton. 9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 9:50 P.M. Dan Rather receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Michael Moore. 9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 10:00 P.M. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers", by Howard Dean. 10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton for President by Mahmud Ahnadinejad. 11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet. 11:15 P.M. "Our Troops are War Criminals", presented by John Kerry. 11:30 P.M Coronation of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton. 12:00 AM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home.
And my reply to all:
Subject: 2008 Republican National Convention Schedule
7:00 P.M. Opening book burning. 7:15 P.M. Affirmation that no one else on Earth matters except us. 7:30 PM. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Christian prayer and worship; Jews, Hindus, Etc. NOT WELCOME HERE: Pat Robertson. 8:00 P.M. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 8:05 P.M Celebration of 1,000,000,000th deforestation. 8:15- 8:30 P.M. Open discussion: How Gays, Minorities, & Illegal Aliens are a Threat to Marriage. 8:30 P.M. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 8:35 P.M. Secret Torture Prison Fundraising: Donald Rumsfeld, John D. Negroponte. 9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "How to Remain Stuck in a Quagmire," British Prime Minister Tony Blair. 9:15 P.M. Rush Limbaugh secretly pops a pill. 9:20 P.M. Keynote speech: "How To Make War Veterans (especially John McCain and John Kerry) Look Like Cowards”, Karl Rove 9:30 P.M. Fun with Domestic Phone Wiretaps: or Guess Who Has Herpes: by Robert S. Mueller, III. 9:40 P.M. How I Helped My Son Avoid Vietnam: A short talk by George H. W. Bush. 9:45 P.M. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 9:50 P.M. Bill O’Reilly receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Rush Limbaugh & Laura Ingraham. 9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast (he was drunk and wandered into the wrong convention, it happens). 10:00 P.M. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld Rallied World Support and Created Everlasting Peace", by White House spokesman Tony Snow. 10:30 P.M. Nomination of Jeb Bush for President by Katherine Harris. 11:00 P.M. "WMD’s? Who Said Anything About WMD’s?", presented by George W. Bush. 11:30 P.M Coronation of Jeb Bush. 12:00 AM. Rep. Mark Foley molests a male congressional page. 12:05 A.M bloody and beaten, America weeps quietly in her bed
So, what... everyone wins, right?
