Thursday, November 02, 2006
Henny Youngman he ain't
"Education: If you make the most of it and you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq." - Senator John Kerry
Ba-dum-bum. Thank you, he’ll be here all night and don’t forget to tip your waitresses.
All right, as jokes go it’s no “Why’d the chicken cross the road” but… really?
"He has certainly hurt some people to the core, for sure." - Ed Carr, Vietnam veteran
"I feel so much contempt for (Kerry) I can’t express it." - Jim Hastings, Vietnam veteran (BTW - Ya just did, Jimbo.)
Okay, this is actually pretty funny, but where did these guys get the giant paper and paint? What, they couldn’t get the army regulation puffy paint with the glitter in it?
"The suggestion that only the least educated Americans would agree to serve in the military and fight in Iraq is an insult to every soldier serving in combat today," – Senator John McCain
See, here’s the thing, Johnny, we all know that’s not what he meant. Here’s what Kerry claims he meant to say: "Education: If you make the most of it and you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get us stuck in Iraq. Just ask President Bush."
Okay, so Kerry really can’t tell a joke, no new news there. I’ve screwed up plenty of jokes in my day. It sucks. You tell a clunker and the room stops, everyone looks at you and the dead joke lying slaughtered on the floor in front of you. But is Kerry’s bad joke really worth all this attention?
I think the Bush administration has a robot (I think it looks a little like the power droid from Star Wars, but with a metal Karl Rove head on top that spits out tickertape.) This robot is fed every soundbite from Bush administration opponents until one hits. “This statement can be misinterpreted and twisted to distract people from the issues,” it says in its tinny 50’s movie robot voice (or spits out on tickertape, I don’t know which).
About Kerry’s explanation the he just flubbed a joke, "It’s not a joke, it’s a war," Carr said. No, honey, this war is a fucking joke, it’s just hard to see the punch line through all the blood. I know it’s something about WMD’s and “fighting them there so we don’t have to fight them here” but I can’t make it all out. Maybe in 30 years this war will be funny enough that we can wear purple heart band-aids.
Remember the Purple Heart band-aids those motherfuckers wore at the 2004 Republican National Convention, mocking Kerry’s actual Purple Heart medal. Now there’s an offensive statement to anyone who fought or served or had a loved one fight or serve in the armed forces. Kerry, need I remind anyone, is an actual veteran. Not a pretend one like our President. Kerry actually fought and was wounded in Vietnam.
But now, Kerry, with help from the Rove-bot, has found a way to become the punching bag again. This is the same guy who lost an election because his war record was twisted into a bad thing. The bullies have definitely found their target and every time Kerry opens his mouth he’s just going to find himself hanging from a locker by his underpants.
Fine, Kerry’s a bit of a doofus and I get the impression he wasn’t well liked by his fellow soldiers in Vietnam, however I can’t believe that anyone truly thinks Kerry was criticizing or questioning the intelligence of our soldiers. But as my friend pointed out, (a real friend, not the one in my head) three years ago some people actually believed that Kerry made-up documented events that happened to him in Vietnam. So, yeah, turns out some people really are this fucking stupid.
Ba-dum-bum. Thank you, he’ll be here all night and don’t forget to tip your waitresses.
All right, as jokes go it’s no “Why’d the chicken cross the road” but… really?
"He has certainly hurt some people to the core, for sure." - Ed Carr, Vietnam veteran
"I feel so much contempt for (Kerry) I can’t express it." - Jim Hastings, Vietnam veteran (BTW - Ya just did, Jimbo.)
Okay, this is actually pretty funny, but where did these guys get the giant paper and paint? What, they couldn’t get the army regulation puffy paint with the glitter in it?"The suggestion that only the least educated Americans would agree to serve in the military and fight in Iraq is an insult to every soldier serving in combat today," – Senator John McCain
See, here’s the thing, Johnny, we all know that’s not what he meant. Here’s what Kerry claims he meant to say: "Education: If you make the most of it and you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get us stuck in Iraq. Just ask President Bush."
Okay, so Kerry really can’t tell a joke, no new news there. I’ve screwed up plenty of jokes in my day. It sucks. You tell a clunker and the room stops, everyone looks at you and the dead joke lying slaughtered on the floor in front of you. But is Kerry’s bad joke really worth all this attention?
I think the Bush administration has a robot (I think it looks a little like the power droid from Star Wars, but with a metal Karl Rove head on top that spits out tickertape.) This robot is fed every soundbite from Bush administration opponents until one hits. “This statement can be misinterpreted and twisted to distract people from the issues,” it says in its tinny 50’s movie robot voice (or spits out on tickertape, I don’t know which).About Kerry’s explanation the he just flubbed a joke, "It’s not a joke, it’s a war," Carr said. No, honey, this war is a fucking joke, it’s just hard to see the punch line through all the blood. I know it’s something about WMD’s and “fighting them there so we don’t have to fight them here” but I can’t make it all out. Maybe in 30 years this war will be funny enough that we can wear purple heart band-aids.
Remember the Purple Heart band-aids those motherfuckers wore at the 2004 Republican National Convention, mocking Kerry’s actual Purple Heart medal. Now there’s an offensive statement to anyone who fought or served or had a loved one fight or serve in the armed forces. Kerry, need I remind anyone, is an actual veteran. Not a pretend one like our President. Kerry actually fought and was wounded in Vietnam. 
But now, Kerry, with help from the Rove-bot, has found a way to become the punching bag again. This is the same guy who lost an election because his war record was twisted into a bad thing. The bullies have definitely found their target and every time Kerry opens his mouth he’s just going to find himself hanging from a locker by his underpants.
Fine, Kerry’s a bit of a doofus and I get the impression he wasn’t well liked by his fellow soldiers in Vietnam, however I can’t believe that anyone truly thinks Kerry was criticizing or questioning the intelligence of our soldiers. But as my friend pointed out, (a real friend, not the one in my head) three years ago some people actually believed that Kerry made-up documented events that happened to him in Vietnam. So, yeah, turns out some people really are this fucking stupid.
