Monday, November 19, 2007
So, yeah, I now know what a mucus plug is…
…as well as the bloody show, bag of waters, and a number of other cutesy names for some really un-cutesy stuff (I mean really, Bloody Show? Don’t you just picture some English chap with a handlebar mustache sporting a derby slapping you on the back while saying that?).
So, I took a walk with my very pregnant wife (due any day, maybe even any hour, now) yesterday. It was cool, but not cold in Chicago. A little rainy, but really, kind of a good day. Not nice or beautiful, but good. We were have a nice walk until we had to walk through a gaggle of kids (my wife thinks they were 12 or 13, I don’t know… bad with ages and names) blocking the sidewalk. And one of those little dicks started mouthing off to me because I “almost knocked into” him as I passed.
And it’s really put me in a foul mood… still. Because I’m about to have one of those dicks. And even if, by some miracle, I can keep my kid from becoming a total douche who would try to pick a fight with a guy walking with his pregnant wife, he/she is going to have to interact with these little pricks everyday at school.
How do you keep your kid from becoming an asshole? And how do you help him/her deal with the assholes that surround us – especially considering I don’t know how to deal with them (unless you count fantasies of walking back and beating the shit out of a 12-year-old dealing).
Well, on a more positive note, a buddy and roommate of mine from college who I haven’t talked to in years (seriously, like 12 years) is the creator and producer of a new cartoon airing on Cartoon Network. It’s called Chowder and I’ll let you go to the official Chowder website or his blog, the wonderfully titled Nerd Armada to learn more about it because it’s a typically wacky concept (when we roomed together he drew a strip for The Daily Texan called Durbingle the Goat Boy). I hope it does well because it would be pretty cool for my kid to grow up watching something created by a friend of mine (yeah, I know, 12 years… but since I never did anything to officially alienate him, he’s still a friend).
Good luck and congratulations, Carl.
Now, I gotta pull out the ol’ Durbingle books… God I hope I had you sign those.
So, I took a walk with my very pregnant wife (due any day, maybe even any hour, now) yesterday. It was cool, but not cold in Chicago. A little rainy, but really, kind of a good day. Not nice or beautiful, but good. We were have a nice walk until we had to walk through a gaggle of kids (my wife thinks they were 12 or 13, I don’t know… bad with ages and names) blocking the sidewalk. And one of those little dicks started mouthing off to me because I “almost knocked into” him as I passed.
And it’s really put me in a foul mood… still. Because I’m about to have one of those dicks. And even if, by some miracle, I can keep my kid from becoming a total douche who would try to pick a fight with a guy walking with his pregnant wife, he/she is going to have to interact with these little pricks everyday at school.
How do you keep your kid from becoming an asshole? And how do you help him/her deal with the assholes that surround us – especially considering I don’t know how to deal with them (unless you count fantasies of walking back and beating the shit out of a 12-year-old dealing).
Well, on a more positive note, a buddy and roommate of mine from college who I haven’t talked to in years (seriously, like 12 years) is the creator and producer of a new cartoon airing on Cartoon Network. It’s called Chowder and I’ll let you go to the official Chowder website or his blog, the wonderfully titled Nerd Armada to learn more about it because it’s a typically wacky concept (when we roomed together he drew a strip for The Daily Texan called Durbingle the Goat Boy). I hope it does well because it would be pretty cool for my kid to grow up watching something created by a friend of mine (yeah, I know, 12 years… but since I never did anything to officially alienate him, he’s still a friend).
Good luck and congratulations, Carl.
Now, I gotta pull out the ol’ Durbingle books… God I hope I had you sign those.
Comments:
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It's perfectly okay to smack mouthy 12 year olds around. It's in the Constitution, I think. And if they mouth off to anyone with a pregnant lady, you get to kick them, too.
Track them down and lay the smack down. I'll give you an alibi. "No officer, he was with me all day yesterday feeding orphans. Here, would you like a cup of gruel?"
If you can't find them, the only other alternative is black magic voodoo.
Tee hee.
SFB
www.southernfriedbigfoot.com
www.myspace.com/southernfriedbigfoot
Track them down and lay the smack down. I'll give you an alibi. "No officer, he was with me all day yesterday feeding orphans. Here, would you like a cup of gruel?"
If you can't find them, the only other alternative is black magic voodoo.
Tee hee.
SFB
www.southernfriedbigfoot.com
www.myspace.com/southernfriedbigfoot
To quote "Malcom in the Middle"...
Parent: So, I hear you like beating up little kids.
Hal: I wouldn't say I like it, but I'm certainly good at it.
Or something like that.
What the hell are you doing trying to pick a fight with a 12 year old? Seriously, you are an old man now. About to be a parent. Time to pass over.
I would have giggled, snickered, and silently applauded the little punk, because there is a decent chance that back in the late 70's-early 80's I was that kid, a dork trying to act tough in front of his friends. And now I'm a beat down forty-year-old with a mortgage, 2 kids, an idiot boss, and crippling unsecured credit card debt. So I smile smugly knowing that his day is coming, sooner than he thinks. And what could be better revenge than that notion....
On an unrelated note, when the doctor asks if you want to cut the umbilical cord, ask yourself several questions:
Is he going to come over and help you with your job? No.
Does it knock anything off of the hospital bill? No.
Can you bill your insurance for services rendered? No.
Will he reverentially call you "Doctor" or "Snipper" like you are supposed to call him? No.
Is he any more sober than you are at that moment? No.
Make your own choice. At that moment, he is my employee, and I don't 'do' that kind of work when I have people who can do it for me.
Parent: So, I hear you like beating up little kids.
Hal: I wouldn't say I like it, but I'm certainly good at it.
Or something like that.
What the hell are you doing trying to pick a fight with a 12 year old? Seriously, you are an old man now. About to be a parent. Time to pass over.
I would have giggled, snickered, and silently applauded the little punk, because there is a decent chance that back in the late 70's-early 80's I was that kid, a dork trying to act tough in front of his friends. And now I'm a beat down forty-year-old with a mortgage, 2 kids, an idiot boss, and crippling unsecured credit card debt. So I smile smugly knowing that his day is coming, sooner than he thinks. And what could be better revenge than that notion....
On an unrelated note, when the doctor asks if you want to cut the umbilical cord, ask yourself several questions:
Is he going to come over and help you with your job? No.
Does it knock anything off of the hospital bill? No.
Can you bill your insurance for services rendered? No.
Will he reverentially call you "Doctor" or "Snipper" like you are supposed to call him? No.
Is he any more sober than you are at that moment? No.
Make your own choice. At that moment, he is my employee, and I don't 'do' that kind of work when I have people who can do it for me.
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# posted by 
: 11:16 PM
: 11:16 PM
There were Durbingle books? I only caught the end of the comic and was sorry I hadn't gotten the full run.
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