Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Sitcom Idea: Kramer and The Juice as Wacky Roommates
Okay, so it’s no big surprise that O.J. Simpson, Judith Regan, and Rupert Murdoch are slimey bags of shit (if you’re reading this Ms. Regan – and I know you are – just jokes, please publish my next book).
For those who haven’t heard, The Juice had a book scheduled to be released called “If I did It” where he “imagines” what “could” have happened the night Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman were viciously murdered “if” O.J. himself was the killer. What an active imagination O.J. must have.
In addition, Fox Television (owned by Rupert Murdoch, the genius who brings you… well… Fox News) was going to air a two part interview special with O.J. titled, can you guess?, “If I did It.”
Now, it’s hard to blame The Ol’ Juicester for this. I mean, who doesn’t like to “pretend” they’re a crazed knife-wielding murderer brutally hacking two people to death? Fun.
Well, both the book and TV special are off. After a firestorm of criticism, News. Corp. (the parent company of both Fox and the HarperCollins owned ReganBooks) said Monday that it has canceled the O.J. Simpson book and TV special "If I Did It."
Frankly, I’m against this.
Why? Do I think the world is a lesser place because it is going to be without this invaluable piece of “fiction” from Simpson?
No. In fact, I think it’s pretty clear that the publication of this book would have lowered the collective moral health of this entire country not to mention the torture it would bring to the families of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Add in the fact that all parties involved (O.J. Simpson, Judith Regan, and Rupert Murdoch) didn’t appear to give ethics a second thought in this money-printing scheme. Yes, karmically, it’s better for everyone this whole venture has gone away.
That being said, to remove a book purely on the basis of objectionable content is virtually unheard of and, I think, sets a bad precedent.
In America the marketplace is supposed to determine content. It is in no way a balanced system. That this book has outsold mine without even being released burns me a little. But it is all name recognition. Hell, very few people besides you two even know my book is out there. (But we’re going to change that aren’t we? And no, I’m not going to kill anybody. Stop suggesting it.)
There was an audience for this book – at one point it reached #20 on Amazon. Is that enough for the book to have made money? Hopefully not. Hopefully the TV special would have tanked, too. That’s the American way.
But to pull both just because they are horrible… I don’t know. What’s going to be too horrible for the public to handle next time?
It could be the Michael Richards comedy hour. The former "Seinfeld" co-star spewed racial epithets during a stand-up comedy routine because he was being heckled. The following is from the AP report and includes their censorship. (And yes, I kept the dashes because I don't want to print the N-word. Liberal guilt, what’re you gonna do?)
His Laugh Factory tirade began after the two clubgoers shouted at him that he wasn't funny. Video of the incident was posted on TMZ.com.
Richards retorted: "Shut up! Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f------ fork up your a--."
He then paced across the stage taunting the men for interrupting his show, peppering his speech with racial slurs and profanities.
"You can talk, you can talk, you're brave now mother------. Throw his a-- out. He's a n-----!" Richards shouts before repeating the racial epithet over and over again.
“Upside down with a fork in the ass,” is that possible? What does that even mean? Maybe Kramer forgot he was supposed to tell jokes. Maybe that was a joke. I don’t get it.
I’ll give you a good joke: "Education: If you make the most of it and you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq." - Senator John Kerry
See, now that’s… oh, yeah, that’s not funny either. Some people just can’t tell a joke.
I think Richards was just embracing his role as wacky neighbor. Seriously folks, what’s more likely: a neighbor who barges in without knocking and eats all your food, or one whose latent racism comes out after a few drinks or in a stressful situation?
A Los Angeles television station, KTLA, interviewed “comedian” George Lopez about the situation. He basically said the “can’t tell a joke” thing.
"The question is you have an actor who is trying to be a comedian who doesn't know what to do when an audience is disruptive," Lopez said.
That’s a damn fine quote, George. And kudos to KTLA, because when you think of a purveyor of good taste, you think George Lopez. Well, to be fair, O.J. was busy.
For those who haven’t heard, The Juice had a book scheduled to be released called “If I did It” where he “imagines” what “could” have happened the night Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman were viciously murdered “if” O.J. himself was the killer. What an active imagination O.J. must have.
In addition, Fox Television (owned by Rupert Murdoch, the genius who brings you… well… Fox News) was going to air a two part interview special with O.J. titled, can you guess?, “If I did It.”
Now, it’s hard to blame The Ol’ Juicester for this. I mean, who doesn’t like to “pretend” they’re a crazed knife-wielding murderer brutally hacking two people to death? Fun.
Well, both the book and TV special are off. After a firestorm of criticism, News. Corp. (the parent company of both Fox and the HarperCollins owned ReganBooks) said Monday that it has canceled the O.J. Simpson book and TV special "If I Did It."
Frankly, I’m against this.
Why? Do I think the world is a lesser place because it is going to be without this invaluable piece of “fiction” from Simpson?
No. In fact, I think it’s pretty clear that the publication of this book would have lowered the collective moral health of this entire country not to mention the torture it would bring to the families of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Add in the fact that all parties involved (O.J. Simpson, Judith Regan, and Rupert Murdoch) didn’t appear to give ethics a second thought in this money-printing scheme. Yes, karmically, it’s better for everyone this whole venture has gone away.
That being said, to remove a book purely on the basis of objectionable content is virtually unheard of and, I think, sets a bad precedent.
In America the marketplace is supposed to determine content. It is in no way a balanced system. That this book has outsold mine without even being released burns me a little. But it is all name recognition. Hell, very few people besides you two even know my book is out there. (But we’re going to change that aren’t we? And no, I’m not going to kill anybody. Stop suggesting it.)
There was an audience for this book – at one point it reached #20 on Amazon. Is that enough for the book to have made money? Hopefully not. Hopefully the TV special would have tanked, too. That’s the American way.
But to pull both just because they are horrible… I don’t know. What’s going to be too horrible for the public to handle next time?
It could be the Michael Richards comedy hour. The former "Seinfeld" co-star spewed racial epithets during a stand-up comedy routine because he was being heckled. The following is from the AP report and includes their censorship. (And yes, I kept the dashes because I don't want to print the N-word. Liberal guilt, what’re you gonna do?)
His Laugh Factory tirade began after the two clubgoers shouted at him that he wasn't funny. Video of the incident was posted on TMZ.com.
Richards retorted: "Shut up! Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f------ fork up your a--."
He then paced across the stage taunting the men for interrupting his show, peppering his speech with racial slurs and profanities.
"You can talk, you can talk, you're brave now mother------. Throw his a-- out. He's a n-----!" Richards shouts before repeating the racial epithet over and over again.
“Upside down with a fork in the ass,” is that possible? What does that even mean? Maybe Kramer forgot he was supposed to tell jokes. Maybe that was a joke. I don’t get it.
I’ll give you a good joke: "Education: If you make the most of it and you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq." - Senator John Kerry
See, now that’s… oh, yeah, that’s not funny either. Some people just can’t tell a joke.
I think Richards was just embracing his role as wacky neighbor. Seriously folks, what’s more likely: a neighbor who barges in without knocking and eats all your food, or one whose latent racism comes out after a few drinks or in a stressful situation?
A Los Angeles television station, KTLA, interviewed “comedian” George Lopez about the situation. He basically said the “can’t tell a joke” thing.
"The question is you have an actor who is trying to be a comedian who doesn't know what to do when an audience is disruptive," Lopez said.
That’s a damn fine quote, George. And kudos to KTLA, because when you think of a purveyor of good taste, you think George Lopez. Well, to be fair, O.J. was busy.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Pop Culture Scattershot
“Save the Cheerleader, Save the World” is the worst catchphrase ever and, even though I like the show Heroes, every time I hear it, I kinda hope the cheerleader bites it.
Nov. 7, 2006 - Britney Spears filed for divorce from her husband, former backup dancer and aspiring rapper, Kevin Federline.
There is a long list of things I don’t care about and this ranks somewhere near the middle.
Nov. 14, 2006 - Britney's soon-to-be ex-husband Kevin Federline is threatening to sell a four hour sex tape the couple made soon after getting married, unless she agrees to his terms for their break-up, DPA reported.
However, on the list of things I care about: Britney should stand up for herself and NOT agree to K-Fed’s terms for this divorce. Hold strong, Girl!
Why are the Country Music Awards using the Star Trek Federation symbol as their awards this year?
And finally, here’s a page that Mickey Mantel filled out describing a great baseball moment for him. This could possibly be a joke, but knowing what we all know about The Mick this could easily have been written by him. You may have to click on the image to read it. Fair warning, it gets a little blue.
Nov. 7, 2006 - Britney Spears filed for divorce from her husband, former backup dancer and aspiring rapper, Kevin Federline.
There is a long list of things I don’t care about and this ranks somewhere near the middle.
Nov. 14, 2006 - Britney's soon-to-be ex-husband Kevin Federline is threatening to sell a four hour sex tape the couple made soon after getting married, unless she agrees to his terms for their break-up, DPA reported.
However, on the list of things I care about: Britney should stand up for herself and NOT agree to K-Fed’s terms for this divorce. Hold strong, Girl!
Why are the Country Music Awards using the Star Trek Federation symbol as their awards this year?
And finally, here’s a page that Mickey Mantel filled out describing a great baseball moment for him. This could possibly be a joke, but knowing what we all know about The Mick this could easily have been written by him. You may have to click on the image to read it. Fair warning, it gets a little blue.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Politico Wrap-Up
All right, I’ve done a lot a political blah blah blah lately, and it’s time to move on to subjects less inherently funny. So, today: a political wrap-up, tomorrow: all pop culture and no politics.
Saddam Hussein found Guilty – Nov. 5, 2006
I have some strong feelings about this war and it way it is being run (Sayonara Rummy!), but this was a good thing for both countries.
Nancy Pelosi is a funny name.
"They run better elections in Baghdad." - Tony Peraica, Cook County Board president Republican nominee
County commissioner Tony Peraica marched chanting supporters through darkened city streets to the Cook County Clerk's office early Wednesday, after electronic transmission problems delayed final results of the county board president's race.
Shortly after 1 a.m., Peraica incited his supporters to storm the Cook County Administration Building at 69 W. Washington St. and demand the votes be counted. He claimed "the sanctity of the ballots" may have been compromised by unsecured transport of paper ballots and electronic cartridge data to downtown.
"We're not going to let this thing be stolen from us," Peraica said. "This is an absolute outrage." Soon after, dozens of Peraica supporters gathered in the lobby and outside of the building that houses the clerk's office. Chicago police said John Lira, 55, of Chicago was charged with a misdemeanor for damaging property after he broke a freight elevator he was trying to get onto.
Illinois politics… you gotta love it. The radio said the atmosphere was a near riot and that a couple of assaults were reported, but I didn’t find any mention of that in the articles I searched. That Lira cat is a funny story, too. He’s a deaf ex-boxer who allegedly has a long rap sheet (“about” 40 arrests), including a murder charge. Doesn’t he sound like someone who should vote Democrat?
Joe Lieberman is, and always has been, a major dick.
I hope everyone caught the election night Daily Show / Colbert Report crossover. It was the funniest hour on TV that night - and I watched Bill O'Reilly. Trust me, the conversation between the two hosts that led to the line, “It is Bush country,” paid off the entire hour.
Saddam Hussein found Guilty – Nov. 5, 2006
I have some strong feelings about this war and it way it is being run (Sayonara Rummy!), but this was a good thing for both countries.
Nancy Pelosi is a funny name.
"They run better elections in Baghdad." - Tony Peraica, Cook County Board president Republican nominee
County commissioner Tony Peraica marched chanting supporters through darkened city streets to the Cook County Clerk's office early Wednesday, after electronic transmission problems delayed final results of the county board president's race.
Shortly after 1 a.m., Peraica incited his supporters to storm the Cook County Administration Building at 69 W. Washington St. and demand the votes be counted. He claimed "the sanctity of the ballots" may have been compromised by unsecured transport of paper ballots and electronic cartridge data to downtown.
"We're not going to let this thing be stolen from us," Peraica said. "This is an absolute outrage." Soon after, dozens of Peraica supporters gathered in the lobby and outside of the building that houses the clerk's office. Chicago police said John Lira, 55, of Chicago was charged with a misdemeanor for damaging property after he broke a freight elevator he was trying to get onto.
Illinois politics… you gotta love it. The radio said the atmosphere was a near riot and that a couple of assaults were reported, but I didn’t find any mention of that in the articles I searched. That Lira cat is a funny story, too. He’s a deaf ex-boxer who allegedly has a long rap sheet (“about” 40 arrests), including a murder charge. Doesn’t he sound like someone who should vote Democrat?
Joe Lieberman is, and always has been, a major dick.
I hope everyone caught the election night Daily Show / Colbert Report crossover. It was the funniest hour on TV that night - and I watched Bill O'Reilly. Trust me, the conversation between the two hosts that led to the line, “It is Bush country,” paid off the entire hour.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
So, I woke up this morning and there were birds chirping outside my window, the sky seemed bluer, the air cleaner, crisper. I don’t know what was different, but I’m sure something will come along to screw it up.
“After years of defending his secretary of defense, President Bush on Wednesday announced Donald H. Rumsfeld's resignation within hours of the Democrats' triumph in congressional elections.” -Associated Press
Or not. My God, is that a rainbow?
“After years of defending his secretary of defense, President Bush on Wednesday announced Donald H. Rumsfeld's resignation within hours of the Democrats' triumph in congressional elections.” -Associated Press
Or not. My God, is that a rainbow?
Friday, November 03, 2006
2008? Like we'll ever even see 2008.
A recent email I received:
Subject: 2008 Democratic National Convention Schedule
7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning. 7:15 P.M. Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations. 7:30 PM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship: Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. 8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:05 P.M Ceremonial tree hugging. 8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding: Barney Frank, presiding. 8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally: Cindy Sheehan, Susan Sarandon. 9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "The Proper Etiquette for Surrender", French President Jacques Chirac. 9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund. 9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay: Sean Penn. 9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military: A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton. 9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 9:50 P.M. Dan Rather receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Michael Moore. 9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 10:00 P.M. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers", by Howard Dean. 10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton for President by Mahmud Ahnadinejad. 11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet. 11:15 P.M. "Our Troops are War Criminals", presented by John Kerry. 11:30 P.M Coronation of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton. 12:00 AM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home.
And my reply to all:
Subject: 2008 Republican National Convention Schedule
7:00 P.M. Opening book burning. 7:15 P.M. Affirmation that no one else on Earth matters except us. 7:30 PM. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Christian prayer and worship; Jews, Hindus, Etc. NOT WELCOME HERE: Pat Robertson. 8:00 P.M. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 8:05 P.M Celebration of 1,000,000,000th deforestation. 8:15- 8:30 P.M. Open discussion: How Gays, Minorities, & Illegal Aliens are a Threat to Marriage. 8:30 P.M. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 8:35 P.M. Secret Torture Prison Fundraising: Donald Rumsfeld, John D. Negroponte. 9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "How to Remain Stuck in a Quagmire," British Prime Minister Tony Blair. 9:15 P.M. Rush Limbaugh secretly pops a pill. 9:20 P.M. Keynote speech: "How To Make War Veterans (especially John McCain and John Kerry) Look Like Cowards”, Karl Rove 9:30 P.M. Fun with Domestic Phone Wiretaps: or Guess Who Has Herpes: by Robert S. Mueller, III. 9:40 P.M. How I Helped My Son Avoid Vietnam: A short talk by George H. W. Bush. 9:45 P.M. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 9:50 P.M. Bill O’Reilly receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Rush Limbaugh & Laura Ingraham. 9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast (he was drunk and wandered into the wrong convention, it happens). 10:00 P.M. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld Rallied World Support and Created Everlasting Peace", by White House spokesman Tony Snow. 10:30 P.M. Nomination of Jeb Bush for President by Katherine Harris. 11:00 P.M. "WMD’s? Who Said Anything About WMD’s?", presented by George W. Bush. 11:30 P.M Coronation of Jeb Bush. 12:00 AM. Rep. Mark Foley molests a male congressional page. 12:05 A.M bloody and beaten, America weeps quietly in her bed
So, what... everyone wins, right?
Subject: 2008 Democratic National Convention Schedule
7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning. 7:15 P.M. Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations. 7:30 PM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship: Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. 8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:05 P.M Ceremonial tree hugging. 8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding: Barney Frank, presiding. 8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally: Cindy Sheehan, Susan Sarandon. 9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "The Proper Etiquette for Surrender", French President Jacques Chirac. 9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund. 9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay: Sean Penn. 9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military: A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton. 9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 9:50 P.M. Dan Rather receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Michael Moore. 9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 10:00 P.M. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers", by Howard Dean. 10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton for President by Mahmud Ahnadinejad. 11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet. 11:15 P.M. "Our Troops are War Criminals", presented by John Kerry. 11:30 P.M Coronation of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton. 12:00 AM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home.
And my reply to all:
Subject: 2008 Republican National Convention Schedule
7:00 P.M. Opening book burning. 7:15 P.M. Affirmation that no one else on Earth matters except us. 7:30 PM. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Christian prayer and worship; Jews, Hindus, Etc. NOT WELCOME HERE: Pat Robertson. 8:00 P.M. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 8:05 P.M Celebration of 1,000,000,000th deforestation. 8:15- 8:30 P.M. Open discussion: How Gays, Minorities, & Illegal Aliens are a Threat to Marriage. 8:30 P.M. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 8:35 P.M. Secret Torture Prison Fundraising: Donald Rumsfeld, John D. Negroponte. 9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "How to Remain Stuck in a Quagmire," British Prime Minister Tony Blair. 9:15 P.M. Rush Limbaugh secretly pops a pill. 9:20 P.M. Keynote speech: "How To Make War Veterans (especially John McCain and John Kerry) Look Like Cowards”, Karl Rove 9:30 P.M. Fun with Domestic Phone Wiretaps: or Guess Who Has Herpes: by Robert S. Mueller, III. 9:40 P.M. How I Helped My Son Avoid Vietnam: A short talk by George H. W. Bush. 9:45 P.M. Rep. Mark Foley daydreams of molesting male congressional pages. 9:50 P.M. Bill O’Reilly receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Rush Limbaugh & Laura Ingraham. 9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast (he was drunk and wandered into the wrong convention, it happens). 10:00 P.M. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld Rallied World Support and Created Everlasting Peace", by White House spokesman Tony Snow. 10:30 P.M. Nomination of Jeb Bush for President by Katherine Harris. 11:00 P.M. "WMD’s? Who Said Anything About WMD’s?", presented by George W. Bush. 11:30 P.M Coronation of Jeb Bush. 12:00 AM. Rep. Mark Foley molests a male congressional page. 12:05 A.M bloody and beaten, America weeps quietly in her bed
So, what... everyone wins, right?
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Henny Youngman he ain't
"Education: If you make the most of it and you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq." - Senator John Kerry
Ba-dum-bum. Thank you, he’ll be here all night and don’t forget to tip your waitresses.
All right, as jokes go it’s no “Why’d the chicken cross the road” but… really?
"He has certainly hurt some people to the core, for sure." - Ed Carr, Vietnam veteran
"I feel so much contempt for (Kerry) I can’t express it." - Jim Hastings, Vietnam veteran (BTW - Ya just did, Jimbo.)
Okay, this is actually pretty funny, but where did these guys get the giant paper and paint? What, they couldn’t get the army regulation puffy paint with the glitter in it?
"The suggestion that only the least educated Americans would agree to serve in the military and fight in Iraq is an insult to every soldier serving in combat today," – Senator John McCain
See, here’s the thing, Johnny, we all know that’s not what he meant. Here’s what Kerry claims he meant to say: "Education: If you make the most of it and you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get us stuck in Iraq. Just ask President Bush."
Okay, so Kerry really can’t tell a joke, no new news there. I’ve screwed up plenty of jokes in my day. It sucks. You tell a clunker and the room stops, everyone looks at you and the dead joke lying slaughtered on the floor in front of you. But is Kerry’s bad joke really worth all this attention?
I think the Bush administration has a robot (I think it looks a little like the power droid from Star Wars, but with a metal Karl Rove head on top that spits out tickertape.) This robot is fed every soundbite from Bush administration opponents until one hits. “This statement can be misinterpreted and twisted to distract people from the issues,” it says in its tinny 50’s movie robot voice (or spits out on tickertape, I don’t know which).
About Kerry’s explanation the he just flubbed a joke, "It’s not a joke, it’s a war," Carr said. No, honey, this war is a fucking joke, it’s just hard to see the punch line through all the blood. I know it’s something about WMD’s and “fighting them there so we don’t have to fight them here” but I can’t make it all out. Maybe in 30 years this war will be funny enough that we can wear purple heart band-aids.
Remember the Purple Heart band-aids those motherfuckers wore at the 2004 Republican National Convention, mocking Kerry’s actual Purple Heart medal. Now there’s an offensive statement to anyone who fought or served or had a loved one fight or serve in the armed forces. Kerry, need I remind anyone, is an actual veteran. Not a pretend one like our President. Kerry actually fought and was wounded in Vietnam.
But now, Kerry, with help from the Rove-bot, has found a way to become the punching bag again. This is the same guy who lost an election because his war record was twisted into a bad thing. The bullies have definitely found their target and every time Kerry opens his mouth he’s just going to find himself hanging from a locker by his underpants.
Fine, Kerry’s a bit of a doofus and I get the impression he wasn’t well liked by his fellow soldiers in Vietnam, however I can’t believe that anyone truly thinks Kerry was criticizing or questioning the intelligence of our soldiers. But as my friend pointed out, (a real friend, not the one in my head) three years ago some people actually believed that Kerry made-up documented events that happened to him in Vietnam. So, yeah, turns out some people really are this fucking stupid.
Ba-dum-bum. Thank you, he’ll be here all night and don’t forget to tip your waitresses.
All right, as jokes go it’s no “Why’d the chicken cross the road” but… really?
"He has certainly hurt some people to the core, for sure." - Ed Carr, Vietnam veteran
"I feel so much contempt for (Kerry) I can’t express it." - Jim Hastings, Vietnam veteran (BTW - Ya just did, Jimbo.)
Okay, this is actually pretty funny, but where did these guys get the giant paper and paint? What, they couldn’t get the army regulation puffy paint with the glitter in it?"The suggestion that only the least educated Americans would agree to serve in the military and fight in Iraq is an insult to every soldier serving in combat today," – Senator John McCain
See, here’s the thing, Johnny, we all know that’s not what he meant. Here’s what Kerry claims he meant to say: "Education: If you make the most of it and you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get us stuck in Iraq. Just ask President Bush."
Okay, so Kerry really can’t tell a joke, no new news there. I’ve screwed up plenty of jokes in my day. It sucks. You tell a clunker and the room stops, everyone looks at you and the dead joke lying slaughtered on the floor in front of you. But is Kerry’s bad joke really worth all this attention?
I think the Bush administration has a robot (I think it looks a little like the power droid from Star Wars, but with a metal Karl Rove head on top that spits out tickertape.) This robot is fed every soundbite from Bush administration opponents until one hits. “This statement can be misinterpreted and twisted to distract people from the issues,” it says in its tinny 50’s movie robot voice (or spits out on tickertape, I don’t know which).About Kerry’s explanation the he just flubbed a joke, "It’s not a joke, it’s a war," Carr said. No, honey, this war is a fucking joke, it’s just hard to see the punch line through all the blood. I know it’s something about WMD’s and “fighting them there so we don’t have to fight them here” but I can’t make it all out. Maybe in 30 years this war will be funny enough that we can wear purple heart band-aids.
Remember the Purple Heart band-aids those motherfuckers wore at the 2004 Republican National Convention, mocking Kerry’s actual Purple Heart medal. Now there’s an offensive statement to anyone who fought or served or had a loved one fight or serve in the armed forces. Kerry, need I remind anyone, is an actual veteran. Not a pretend one like our President. Kerry actually fought and was wounded in Vietnam. 
But now, Kerry, with help from the Rove-bot, has found a way to become the punching bag again. This is the same guy who lost an election because his war record was twisted into a bad thing. The bullies have definitely found their target and every time Kerry opens his mouth he’s just going to find himself hanging from a locker by his underpants.
Fine, Kerry’s a bit of a doofus and I get the impression he wasn’t well liked by his fellow soldiers in Vietnam, however I can’t believe that anyone truly thinks Kerry was criticizing or questioning the intelligence of our soldiers. But as my friend pointed out, (a real friend, not the one in my head) three years ago some people actually believed that Kerry made-up documented events that happened to him in Vietnam. So, yeah, turns out some people really are this fucking stupid.
